From Solitude to Super Connector: 7 Life Principles for Building and Transforming Relationships

In my earlier years, I grappled with the challenge of forming meaningful connections. Memories of returning home in tears, lamenting my lack of companions, still linger vividly in my mind. Yet, the trajectory of my social life underwent a transformative shift, thanks in large part to the invaluable lessons imparted by my father — a seasoned community organizer with a rich history in China and now Canada — and the mentorship I received on my entrepreneurial journey.

These experiences have not only enriched my personal life but have also played a pivotal role in my professional achievements. From securing my dream internships and jobs, to starting communities like IBM’s largest generative AI community and OpenPrinciples.org the world’s largest open-sourced library of life principles, to help myself and my friends form multiple advisor groups and startup teams, what I learned to forge and nurture relationships has been instrumental.

This blog post distills the essence of a recent dialogue with a friend who sought to understand how I evolved into a “super connector” in his eyes. Herein, I share the strategies and philosophies that have guided me to leverage the power of connections effectively.

Principle 1: Lead with Value

Offering value nurtures connections. Before seeking help, think about how you can contribute to others’ success, and even better, directly offer help in the first time you meet other people.

In numerous instances during social events, I’ve made it a practice to share insights without any expectation of immediate return. This habit of leading with value has consistently resulted in others reciprocating in kind. On several occasions, these individuals have connected me with pivotal contacts, instrumental to my projects’ successes.

Principle 2: Authenticity as the Foundation

Authenticity creates genuine connections. For example, when you ask for help, being real with your needs, desires, and feelings in a vulnerable and genuine way.

I recall sharing my entrepreneurial struggles with a colleague, not as a cry for help, but as a moment of vulnerability. This honesty opened a door to a relationship built on mutual respect and support, transforming a professional acquaintance into a lifelong friend.

Principle 3: Small Acts Cultivate Deep Connections

Generosity without immediate expectations, combined with regular, small acts of kindness, creates a powerful foundation for mutual support and deepens relationships significantly. Give value consistently, without looking for immediate returns, and pay attention to the little gestures that demonstrate care and keep connections alive.

I’ve cultivated the habit of taking note of what people are interested in at the end of our first conversation, and group them into different topics in my mind. Then, over time, whenever I run into useful opportunities, advice, or human connections, I will forward them privately to friends of relevant topics, without expecting anything in return.

Additionally, simple messages like “This reminded me of you” or “How are you doing?” can significantly impact. This dual approach has not only solidified my relationships but also opened doors to unexpected opportunities and support from new directions. It demonstrates that generosity, coupled with thoughtful small acts, can bridge the gap from mere acquaintance to a trusted confidant, fostering an environment where genuine connections thrive.

Principle 4: Make Friends with Givers, Not Takers

Your network’s quality is defined by the givers within it. There are two types of people, takers and givers. Learn to identify them efficiently, and seek out and nurture relationships with those who embody generosity.

Creating a circle of givers amplifies everyone’s success. I’ve focused on connecting with individuals who prioritize giving over taking, leading to a supportive and thriving network.

Principle 5: It is Not Called Humble Bragging, It is Called Showing Why You Could be Helpful

Sharing your achievements with humility can help people see long-term value in you and be willing to form long-term friendships with you. It’s about framing your successes in a way that offers value to others.

When discussing my role in leading a successful project, I focus on the lessons learned and how they might benefit the listener. This approach not only highlights my experiences but also invites collaboration and mutual growth.

Principle 7: Amplify Your Presence

Leveraging platforms to amplify your voice attracts like-minded individuals. Utilizing events, social media, and workshops not only showcases your expertise but also draws people towards you, facilitating connections.

By organizing and speaking at conferences and company events, I’ve positioned myself as a go-to figure for insights within my field of work and life interests.

Similarly, sharing thoughtful content on social media has not only broadened my network but also attracted individuals who share my values and interests.

Conclusion: Friendship Gives to the Genuint Givers

The path from being solitary to becoming a super connector is paved with intentional actions, a heart willing to give, and the courage to be genuinely yourself. These principles have not only transformed my relationships but have also led to significant personal and professional milestones.

Whether it’s through sharing vulnerabilities, offering help without expectations, or celebrating your successes modestly, the essence of becoming a super connector lies in the richness of your interactions and the depth of your connections. Let these principles guide you as they have guided me, and may your journey be filled with meaningful relationships that last a lifetime.